not really thinking...

...that the un-workable situation at work has changed in any significant way. So it must be all those people I have recruited to pray. I've been a supplicant for quite a while, asking, hoping that I could be granted an 'attitude adjustment', that I would have a change of heart and be more open to the barrage of stuff that has me so fearful. That I could somehow accept the reprimands as merely points for improvement, those things that have been so consistently and frequently been sore spots, when pointed out in a negative manner, would be things that I could accept with good grace and move on.

While in reality I have been so overwhelmed, so intimidated by the barrage, it would seem the best choice would be for me to be amongst the 'formerly known as'. So I finally gathered up my cojones and spoke to the store manager about my overwhelming anxiety. To get the response: He is just doing his job. This individual is charged with seeing that safety regulations are followed, that all the employees are always in compliance. His position is one of constant oversight, to prevent injuries in the workplace, and keep compensation claims low, and therefore profits steadily increasing.

Not surprising, as co-workers I have spoken with who have been there for years, see the incremental/ gradual changes that have taken place on a corporate level. There does not seem to be much desire to retain employees. To invest in training, and provide the encouragement and support to keep that investment. Just a different attitude at a corporate level. Not one that makes employees feel valued.

It is remotely, vaguely possible I feel a wee bit better as result of being able to vent, have an opportunity to express my concerns, fears and all-encompassing anxiety. But really? Did I expect anything to be any different? No. I realize the manager's position will always be one of backing up those directly under his purview. And I readily accept that the management position is simply put: get the job done. With little concern for who is doing the work, as long as it is done in a timely manner.

What I do know has changed: instead of asking people to pray for me, I am requesting prayer for others.