I usually have lots of blank pages on my calendar from week to week, but will be working several days at Publix this week, building up to the day of 'Chocolates and Roses' next Sunday. I actually went in today, (my feets are very much out of practice for the part where you are on the go for hours on end) and worked in the Floral Shoppe for the first time in months. The front end manager has been pretty good about trying to keep me from getting dropped out of the system by having me come in one day a month and work for several hours, just to be clocking in and out, so the computer would not delete me.
I was hoping with new produce manager I would be working at least part time for several days leading up to Heart Day. But he is being even more generous (or possibly just careful/covering his bases),so I expect to work the last half of the week, and a couple of days next week, since the 'xxxoooxxxooo' day falls on Sunday. MF will be off on Monday to recuperate (and I will likely clean up the mess).
I normally get calls several days a week to substitute teach, that I think often occur because most people who want to do the 'day labor' work are not willing to go into classrooms as a 'para-pro'/aide because the pay rate is less than working as a teacher. So they limit their employability, as I do when I refuse to go into middle/high schools and do battle. But I have the opinion that getting work at $65 a day is better than staying home/no pay, so I don't have a problem with second-in-command position and being the one Not held responsible for well-being and training of small mammals.
With the Publix work coming up, and knowing the weekend will be otherwise occupied, I don't plan to accept any of the sub. calls: my last deposit from MCSD for subbing about once a week was for a whopping $131... So I guess I should block the sub-finder from looking for me at 6:00 a.m. every morning...
The Rescue, part II
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The 'Friend' decided she would be o.k. after 48 hours of keeping everyone on Spence Ave in complete turmoil, going through the detox process from having so much to drink she should not even be alive: but she is.
So she came back to the place of 'you keep doing what you're doin', you keep gettin' what you got'. Daughter said she provided Friend with advice/info., so she knows where to get help locally, but we all know that you can't save someone who does not want to be rescued.
Once again, I can be so very overwhelmingly thankful for the blessing of daughters who have made smart choices. While at the same time, having a huge ache for a mom who feels helpless, does not know what else she can possibly do to try to save her girl from self-destruction.
I got a very frustrated, angry, tear-laden call about how aggravatting and irritating it is to have someone who needs assistance to find 'the system' littered with potholes, barricaded by roadblocks. Obstacles that appear to deliberately designed to prevent those who reach out from getting connected to the resources that we all mistakenly assumed are in place, and created to provide propping-up. I know that this young woman is making the decisions, but even if they are bad/poor choices: when she was ready, receptive, reaching out to get help with making changes, it is so sad that the system failed when she asked/wanted/was ready for help.
It's hard to know what to say: being (sadly) confident she will fall back into that same dark place, filled with demons found in alcohol and pills will occur, OR being determinded to make the effort to remember that young woman more frequently when sending out loving thoughts with wings... probably both have a lot of merit.
So she came back to the place of 'you keep doing what you're doin', you keep gettin' what you got'. Daughter said she provided Friend with advice/info., so she knows where to get help locally, but we all know that you can't save someone who does not want to be rescued.
Once again, I can be so very overwhelmingly thankful for the blessing of daughters who have made smart choices. While at the same time, having a huge ache for a mom who feels helpless, does not know what else she can possibly do to try to save her girl from self-destruction.
I got a very frustrated, angry, tear-laden call about how aggravatting and irritating it is to have someone who needs assistance to find 'the system' littered with potholes, barricaded by roadblocks. Obstacles that appear to deliberately designed to prevent those who reach out from getting connected to the resources that we all mistakenly assumed are in place, and created to provide propping-up. I know that this young woman is making the decisions, but even if they are bad/poor choices: when she was ready, receptive, reaching out to get help with making changes, it is so sad that the system failed when she asked/wanted/was ready for help.
It's hard to know what to say: being (sadly) confident she will fall back into that same dark place, filled with demons found in alcohol and pills will occur, OR being determinded to make the effort to remember that young woman more frequently when sending out loving thoughts with wings... probably both have a lot of merit.
Counting Blessings, again
Monday, February 1, 2010
Just about the time I went to sleep last night, after having gone to bed
'way too early, because I was cold and through with the day: the telephone rang. It was daughter #1, asking me to go get a friend she only slightly/vaguely keeps in touch with from highschool days. The friend has a history of struggling to deal with personal/family problems. Daughter wanted me to bring the friend from Columbus to meet her in Newnan so she could take Friend to a clinic for substance abuse treatment.
I got up, put on my clothes, and went across town to get her, drove to Newnan, and got back into bed about 12:30, having prayed for the better part of two hours while driving, asking for deliverance for this young woman who has been beset by demons for years. So though you don't know her: please keep V. in your thoughts and prayers, as I know she will not have the strength to do it on her own. She is in desperate need of healing and peace.
Well: am SO thankful that is not my girl. I am SO thankful that they have not chosen to go down that road. I am SO thankful I did not self-destruct. (I do wish I now had all those brain cells I selfishly, unthinkingly destroyed.) I am SO thankful that I raised up a generation that cares enough to be there, available to step up, with the hearts to care and desire to help.... And truthfully thankful that the Friend was willing to make the call to someone who had the ability, heart, desire to respond to her need/plea for 'throw me a line, I am drowning!'
When He said: "What ARE you doing?" My response had to be: if that were my girl I would want someone to do whatever was in their power to save her... how could I NOT step in when the call came?
The sun is shining, the sky is blue, God is Good...
'way too early, because I was cold and through with the day: the telephone rang. It was daughter #1, asking me to go get a friend she only slightly/vaguely keeps in touch with from highschool days. The friend has a history of struggling to deal with personal/family problems. Daughter wanted me to bring the friend from Columbus to meet her in Newnan so she could take Friend to a clinic for substance abuse treatment.
I got up, put on my clothes, and went across town to get her, drove to Newnan, and got back into bed about 12:30, having prayed for the better part of two hours while driving, asking for deliverance for this young woman who has been beset by demons for years. So though you don't know her: please keep V. in your thoughts and prayers, as I know she will not have the strength to do it on her own. She is in desperate need of healing and peace.
Well: am SO thankful that is not my girl. I am SO thankful that they have not chosen to go down that road. I am SO thankful I did not self-destruct. (I do wish I now had all those brain cells I selfishly, unthinkingly destroyed.) I am SO thankful that I raised up a generation that cares enough to be there, available to step up, with the hearts to care and desire to help.... And truthfully thankful that the Friend was willing to make the call to someone who had the ability, heart, desire to respond to her need/plea for 'throw me a line, I am drowning!'
When He said: "What ARE you doing?" My response had to be: if that were my girl I would want someone to do whatever was in their power to save her... how could I NOT step in when the call came?
The sun is shining, the sky is blue, God is Good...
a bit of 'traveling music' please...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I have been 'on the road again'. Went up to Decatur on Wednesday morning to spend the day with the Birthday Girl even though The Day was not until Thursday. She had to work on the actual birthday, and had done so much advertising, it would have been more appropriately called a 'birth-month' instead of birthday, since she has somehow managed to have the celebrating on-going for weeks. She seems to have perfected the skill of 'self-promotion' as she apparently got lots of congrats, pats, hugs, attention, affections, various birthday greetings, cakes, cards, general acknowldegement of being a Really Special Person from sundry admirers.
Came back to Columbus by way of Macon, where I stopped to visit my dad's cousin I don't see often enough. He is a great respository of much family history, that one of his daughters has begun to get put into print.
Went today to Americus, about an hour south of here, to a Benson family gathering. I had been to visit this previously un-met cousin last January, when she contacted my auntie in south GA about trying to get relatives to meet at her house. And went to see her again back in the fall, just to visit. I conclude it takes getting to a certain age, or point of reflection, in life to be interested in making the effort required to get together with long-lost, or possibly unknown relatives. So though I did not stay long, it was good to see them, and hear talk about fore-bears.
It was a pleasant drive through the country, enjoyed seeing the bare trees,and fallow fields of middle Georgia. Pondering life and being thankful for everyday blessings.
Came back to Columbus by way of Macon, where I stopped to visit my dad's cousin I don't see often enough. He is a great respository of much family history, that one of his daughters has begun to get put into print.
Went today to Americus, about an hour south of here, to a Benson family gathering. I had been to visit this previously un-met cousin last January, when she contacted my auntie in south GA about trying to get relatives to meet at her house. And went to see her again back in the fall, just to visit. I conclude it takes getting to a certain age, or point of reflection, in life to be interested in making the effort required to get together with long-lost, or possibly unknown relatives. So though I did not stay long, it was good to see them, and hear talk about fore-bears.
It was a pleasant drive through the country, enjoyed seeing the bare trees,and fallow fields of middle Georgia. Pondering life and being thankful for everyday blessings.
He just loaded up and left...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
He has been wanting to go to Biloxi to visit his friends at the Palace Casino, especially when they call and say how much they have been missing seeing him, wanting to know when he is coming back because they want to see him again.
He thought he was going between Christmas and New Years, but plans fell through when co-travlers had to make an emergency trip to the land of ice and snow due to a funeral in Pennsylvania. And has been trying to recruit someone to make the drive with him since... including me, who hopefully is gracious when declining.
But he just called me to come and help fold up some shirts so they would fit into his suitcase, zipped it shut, rolled it to the car and left.
I had actually been encouraging him to go, which is likely how I kept getting invitations. But I was hoping/expecting he would gradually, incrementally, slowly decide to go over the weekend and actually put it into action next week.
I just got back from south GA last night - and He just loaded up and left!
He thought he was going between Christmas and New Years, but plans fell through when co-travlers had to make an emergency trip to the land of ice and snow due to a funeral in Pennsylvania. And has been trying to recruit someone to make the drive with him since... including me, who hopefully is gracious when declining.
But he just called me to come and help fold up some shirts so they would fit into his suitcase, zipped it shut, rolled it to the car and left.
I had actually been encouraging him to go, which is likely how I kept getting invitations. But I was hoping/expecting he would gradually, incrementally, slowly decide to go over the weekend and actually put it into action next week.
I just got back from south GA last night - and He just loaded up and left!
a little bit of 'work', (term very loosely applied)
I have had two days of substitute teaching since schools started back in session on Jan. 5. I am not sure my conscience feels really 'clear' about accepting the pay for the little effort that was involved, so I would like to take this opportunity to give it a little 'rinse cycle' and 'fluff dry' to get over feeling like I did not actually deserve to be paid for my time (especially since I have been saying for years that school bus drivers and sub. teachers are the most underpaid and underappreciated people on the planet, actually thinking that Whatever They Are Paying: Ain't Enough!)
One of the days was me getting a call, long after the computer generated sub. finder system should have gone to sleep (only calls between 6a-9a, then again 6p-9p looking for replacments) one morning when I was sitting at the keyboard emailing in my pajamas. So I took the job, but called the school to be sure the position has not been filled before I even got dressed to head out in the cold. I put on layers and layers, made a lunch and loaded up, actually getting to the school at nearly 10:00 am. to do the teacher's aide job up on the northside in a pre-K. class. It was not a bad day, even though the 'teacher' was a substitue as well, but she had been in the class often enough to know the schedule, students, manage them well.
The other job was across town, almost to Ft. Benning, as far south as you can go and still be within the boundaries of the Muscogee County School District. There were only five kids in the class: you guessed it... Special Ed. The school secretary actually called me the night before saying the 'sub-finder' was down and she was searching for teachers. I told her I had no experience, was not trained, had not qualifications but I would give it a shot if she could promise me lots of 'support personnel'. She said there are usually two other people with them, and sometimes three, plus their teacher (who has been out a lot in the past year on sick leave).
I don't think those five little guys will ever acquire the basic skills they need to live independently in society. I spent the whole day torn between feeling really sad pondering their individual and collective futures - and - being so frustrated when they could not sit still, focus, do very basic assignments, follow instructions, locate paper, pencil or books, generally function in a fifth grade classroom. I think about families, and people who are their support system/home life and how they must all feel the same way: knowing these guys have chronic, severe developmental problems, will likely never get to the point of having a sense of 'success' or competence in their lives. And this is just five adolescents in one little elementary school...
We were talking this morning about a recent news cast, how all of the ten or so local crimes were attributed to (alleged perp.)young black males. I'm thinking: babies, conceivced in eleven-year old kids, who are consorting with irresponsible adolescent guys influenced by alcohol or drugs with their own major LD problems to pass along in the DNA, being raised by aunties or great-grandma, sitting in front of the TV until they get old enough to go to lottery-funded pre-K programs. How do those babies stand a chance of becoming productive members of our society, or hope of ever having any sense of accomplishment, success, feeling good about themselves?
One of the days was me getting a call, long after the computer generated sub. finder system should have gone to sleep (only calls between 6a-9a, then again 6p-9p looking for replacments) one morning when I was sitting at the keyboard emailing in my pajamas. So I took the job, but called the school to be sure the position has not been filled before I even got dressed to head out in the cold. I put on layers and layers, made a lunch and loaded up, actually getting to the school at nearly 10:00 am. to do the teacher's aide job up on the northside in a pre-K. class. It was not a bad day, even though the 'teacher' was a substitue as well, but she had been in the class often enough to know the schedule, students, manage them well.
The other job was across town, almost to Ft. Benning, as far south as you can go and still be within the boundaries of the Muscogee County School District. There were only five kids in the class: you guessed it... Special Ed. The school secretary actually called me the night before saying the 'sub-finder' was down and she was searching for teachers. I told her I had no experience, was not trained, had not qualifications but I would give it a shot if she could promise me lots of 'support personnel'. She said there are usually two other people with them, and sometimes three, plus their teacher (who has been out a lot in the past year on sick leave).
I don't think those five little guys will ever acquire the basic skills they need to live independently in society. I spent the whole day torn between feeling really sad pondering their individual and collective futures - and - being so frustrated when they could not sit still, focus, do very basic assignments, follow instructions, locate paper, pencil or books, generally function in a fifth grade classroom. I think about families, and people who are their support system/home life and how they must all feel the same way: knowing these guys have chronic, severe developmental problems, will likely never get to the point of having a sense of 'success' or competence in their lives. And this is just five adolescents in one little elementary school...
We were talking this morning about a recent news cast, how all of the ten or so local crimes were attributed to (alleged perp.)young black males. I'm thinking: babies, conceivced in eleven-year old kids, who are consorting with irresponsible adolescent guys influenced by alcohol or drugs with their own major LD problems to pass along in the DNA, being raised by aunties or great-grandma, sitting in front of the TV until they get old enough to go to lottery-funded pre-K programs. How do those babies stand a chance of becoming productive members of our society, or hope of ever having any sense of accomplishment, success, feeling good about themselves?
I'm Ready!
Monday, January 4, 2010
I have been really diligent for most of the past year (maybe not so much 'really', as I think 'eventually' is probably more applicable):
Keeping up with expenses for the IRS. I have a list of all the things that will be legit. deductions, and (though already questioned by my spouse) feel like I have the documentation to back it all up. I have been unusually conscientious about keeping receipts and noting volunteered hours/miles for work with non-profits.
I told him several days ago, as I was re-adding my numbers for the third time (as the math-impaired are prone to find necessary) that if ever we would be checked, this is going to be The Year. Due lots of changes in our lives. So hopefully, I'm prepared to meet Guys In Suits. I doubt they will be as entertaining as The Men In Black (Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones freaking people out).
He has been doing some organizing for the past few days, and came in Sunday afternoon and to say: 'I'm ready'. So we await the paperwork that has to come in the mail, to deliver it all to the accountant.
There have been many, plenty, abundant occasions in life when I have been so anxious I could not function, dreading the future. But worrying about what IRS may or may not do, is not something that I plan to loose any sleep over. He recently admited to being a 'worry wart' (re: bad weather, a tree fallling on the roof, leaving Christmas tree lights plugged in, spontaneous fires in the clothes dryer, me traveling alone, me out after dark, me walking on the sidewalk, things he cannot possibly control), and amusingly, blamed it on his genetic history, saying his mother was The Queen of Worry-warts.
We all know what a great movitating factor Guilt can be, and how easily one gets swamped by generational 'coulda/woulda/shouldas': I won't say it's a 'resolution' but I am choosing to not go down that path. When I was dealing with issues related to family health problems years ago, I came to realize that there was only so much I was capable of doing/controlling and, sadly, surprised by discovering there would always be limitations to what I could do to impact/assist other people.
Over time, I came to the less than desirable realization, but very true fact (axiom? Murphey's Law addition?): "All you can do is all you can do". This applies to Life in general. But in this case my personal little 'truism' means that I can't fret over the tax guys in advance.
...and by the way - 'I'm Ready' for the Rapture too! :)
Keeping up with expenses for the IRS. I have a list of all the things that will be legit. deductions, and (though already questioned by my spouse) feel like I have the documentation to back it all up. I have been unusually conscientious about keeping receipts and noting volunteered hours/miles for work with non-profits.
I told him several days ago, as I was re-adding my numbers for the third time (as the math-impaired are prone to find necessary) that if ever we would be checked, this is going to be The Year. Due lots of changes in our lives. So hopefully, I'm prepared to meet Guys In Suits. I doubt they will be as entertaining as The Men In Black (Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones freaking people out).
He has been doing some organizing for the past few days, and came in Sunday afternoon and to say: 'I'm ready'. So we await the paperwork that has to come in the mail, to deliver it all to the accountant.
There have been many, plenty, abundant occasions in life when I have been so anxious I could not function, dreading the future. But worrying about what IRS may or may not do, is not something that I plan to loose any sleep over. He recently admited to being a 'worry wart' (re: bad weather, a tree fallling on the roof, leaving Christmas tree lights plugged in, spontaneous fires in the clothes dryer, me traveling alone, me out after dark, me walking on the sidewalk, things he cannot possibly control), and amusingly, blamed it on his genetic history, saying his mother was The Queen of Worry-warts.
We all know what a great movitating factor Guilt can be, and how easily one gets swamped by generational 'coulda/woulda/shouldas': I won't say it's a 'resolution' but I am choosing to not go down that path. When I was dealing with issues related to family health problems years ago, I came to realize that there was only so much I was capable of doing/controlling and, sadly, surprised by discovering there would always be limitations to what I could do to impact/assist other people.
Over time, I came to the less than desirable realization, but very true fact (axiom? Murphey's Law addition?): "All you can do is all you can do". This applies to Life in general. But in this case my personal little 'truism' means that I can't fret over the tax guys in advance.
...and by the way - 'I'm Ready' for the Rapture too! :)
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