looking back...

I recently read a little article that I wish I had known about twenty years ago. And wish my parents had been privy to when I was a disgruntled, disagreeable, confused, acting-out adolescent. It's something every parent of a hormonal teen - especially females - needs to take to heart. Since you really can't lock them up, or give them away from the ages of twelve to twenty-one, it is good advice that would serve those attempting to raise up the next generation of civilized adults should consider.

It was a story about a man who had daughters who was just beginning to get to the age of fascination with boys. The Dad reported that he and his wife had laid out ground rules for dating early on as the girls matured from children into adolescents, getting to the point of building relationships with the opposite sex. The first rule is no dating until the daughters were sixteen. The second is that the Dad would expect to meet any young man who wanted to take his daughters on a date.

So this young man and a sixteen year old daughter make plans, and the guy comes up to the door to pick her up. Her dad reminded her that he would like to have an opportunity to meet and talk with the 'prospect'. Dad invites him in and they sit down together, with the young man obviously very anxious and ill-at-ease. He is understandably perplexed by having to sit with this man he does not know (and probably does not want to know, thinking the sooner I can get away from here the better!)

Dad asks: "If a stranger came to your door and asked to borrow your car for an evening, would you give him the keys?" The young man, looking startled responds that could not happen. The Dad then explains that he loves his daughters and feels that this young woman is far more valuable than a piece of machinery, regardless of he cost of the vehicle. Saying: "I don't know you, or anything about you, and you are asking me to let you walk out of my house with the most precious thing in my life. Before I allow her to leave, I want to know more about you... what you believe, your intentions and your character".

And sadly: what sixteen year old guy has ever thought about the future in terms of what he wants out of life, where he plans to go, direction in life? So I guess this explains why parents will ask about family: you know, those 'what does your daddy do?' and 'where do you live/work/go to school? 'inquiries. Questions to try to know at least a little bit about this guy who is walking away with their most valuable of valuables.