Friday, February 16, 2018

update on brother...

... who  was diagnosed  the end of December with a tumor that turned out to be largely inoperable in his brain. He was in the hospital about three weeks early in the year, discharged to go home with hospice care/support. Not sure how helpful the support has been, as the wife seems to be doing most of the care on her own, with some workers coming in periodically who help with personal hygiene and 'sitter' who comes for several hours in the afternoon.

She reports thinking he has lost most of his vision, as she gives him cards of support mailed from friends and church family, but he seems disinterested, might look at some correspondence upside down. The surgeon said the growth would likely affect optic nerve as it is growing behind his right eye. Scans done while he was still in the hospital indicated he had a stroke, in a area that affects balance, so he has trouble walking, and is very unsteady on his feet. I expect he does not make much effort to walk, lacking energy to push himself to motivate. From caring for my dad, I know that 'inertia breeds inertia' and when you don't get up, you get to the point that you can't. So expect his being sedentary has made him less and less able.

Surprisingly, she reports that his appetite is very good. She said when we talked on the phone that he will clean his plate and yours too, if you are not fast enough. So it is obvious there is nothing going on that might suppress his interest in food and eating.

After his discharge, when they first got home, about three weeks ago, there were more caregivers coming and going, but apparently not really helpful. And confusing with all the in-and-out activity, in addition to being only marginally useful by way of assisting with his needs. So she only has the one who comes regularly in the afternoon, that gives her a break from round-the-clock care. He does not sleep consistently, awakens often at night, and gets up to relieve himself, but apparently goes back to bed and can get back to sleep with little difficulty. But needs to have someone there for assistance.

It is a heart-wrenching situation. Nothing about this is good, and the future is equally dismal. Something she said when I talked with her recently made it sound like the surgeon, when he realized the situation, did not expect him to survive long. And that the time frame as she understood it has come and gone. They've been together for 47 years. I can imagine that it is a struggle just to get through the day trying to provide for his needs, so it is even more difficult to see sunrise as a welcome blessing. Try to find something positive to be encouraged over or optimistic about.

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