numbers...arrrggghhhh....

... frustrating, aggravating, annoying, irritating, various and sundry other descriptive words to express how difficult it is for someone like me with no math skills to decipher the secret code that completely baffles the math impaired. I have spent literally hours in an effort to reconcile my check book with the most recent bank statement. Sadly, I have learned how pointless it is to put the effort in late in the day when my brain cells have been exhausted, after hours of rubbing together to produce coherent sentences and the appearance of capability. I made the mistake of devoting time to an attempt at the fine balance one night recently, and finally realized I needed to put it aside. The time had come for me to rest my weary brain and start again in the early morning when the gray matter was as alert and coherent as it will ever be.

At it again this morning, when I had nothing else to do other than devote my time to wrangling numbers to make them properly squeeze into spaces I feel they were not designed to be forced into. Even with a well rested, refreshed, clear-thinking brain that enjoyed a good night's sleep, there was far too much of my morning occupied by juggling, shuffling and rearranging the numerals over and over to make everything properly align. Why is it so stinking hard? Partially because my brain is simply not wired for this type computational work. Partially because I have no desire to be the painstaking meticulous person who makes everything stand in perfect rows, in precise formation at the end of the day. Left brained in a right brained world.

When I am whining in an effort to be scheduled for more work hours (= more pay), I occasionally am given the option of being trained to be a cashier. My consistent refusal is related to my knowledge of this chronic math disability. I know I cannot count. People who easily manage numbers, will laugh and seem to be both amused and confounded by the idea that there are people in the world who struggle with all things numerical. Honestly- I struggle with it too, especially when it appears to be so easy for others who laugh when I admit to my impairment - thinking it is a joke. No laughing matter here!

I know there are many times and places that require that precision, many jobs where it is necessary if not essential to have everything in perfect alignment. That is the world we live in. It's just always been a struggle for me to fit in. Sadly, this confession extends to very limited technology skills. I spent an hour this morning on hold, or punching keys as instructed to try to get into a site for garnering travel rewards. After the service rep. lead me through repeated starts, I still cannot get there. All I wanted was to get credit for tickets purchased and distances traveled. Do I want to call that toll free number again and start over? Probably will just forgo the benefit....