.. and less 'in' (as in intractable), is what we should all hope for with the auntie. When considering there is a possibility that her behavior cannot be moderated and she will no longer be a resident of the facility where she has been residing for a year. What would happen next? I have no idea, not even a shred of a thought as to what might be the solution if there are no medications that will help to moderate her outbursts.
Her family practice doctor became insistent that she should not live at home alone, as well as urging her to not drive a car. He is actually the person responsible for the state revoking her driving permit, probably at the insistence of his office staff who would see her driving erratically in the nearby streets. The Auntie continues to be convinced I am the responsible party for all her misfortunes, even though she is actually the source. It's all on the inside!
We should all be reconciled to the fact that at her age, there is no possibility of her becoming a different person. As well as accept that her behavior is compounded by anxiety, frustrations, agitation that are a result of confusion due to memory loss: packed into her DNA at birth. Her dad died in nursing care with dementia, long before it had a name, to be diagnosed/identified as such. Two of her siblings had the same problem, and died in assisted living. I cannot imagine how scare-y it must be to have such a dreadful problem - unable to remember something that you feel you should know.
She recently called me, less than a week ago. It happens fairly often. About half the time it is from her phone, installed in her room at the assisted living facility. The rest of the calls are from the number there at the home, from the nursing desk where I assume she gets someone to dial the number when she cannot manage/master the buttons on the phone. Wanting to know when I am coming to visit, hoping for someone to arrive who will rescue her from her present situation. Many times she will report being in the Holiday Inn, and having lost her car. Often the voice mail message will tell me she is stuck in Macon, or Perry, or some other Georgia town she is familiar with, but she knows she needs help getting home.
This recent call ended by her asking me about 'the folks'? I made the mistake of inquiring if she was referring to her parents or mine. She said she wanted to know about her parents, so I made a Big Mistake and said they were both dead. That her mom died in 1995 and her dad died in 1981. She was very upset, unaware, denied that to be true. Then asked about my parents, which would be her sister and her brother-in-law. I reported they were both dead too.
The conversation soon ended, but she was apparently inconsolable. A staffer called me a bit later, and told me she was going to give the phone to my aunt and I should just play along. She was still weepy, and very sad that both her mom and her dad had died and no one had told her about it. All I could do was tell her how sorry I was.
Dementia is a thief. But the worst part is it is there, embedded at conception in your DNA like a big black evil, hulking creature. Waiting. I recently read a short article about researchers saying that all those puzzles, Suduko, crosswords are not really helpful. I actually found that to be good news, as I do not even make the smallest effort to do puzzles involving numbers! And crossword puzzles are so tedious, it is not something I would put any effort into as a means of entertainment or even keeping my brain sharp.
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