hopelessly ....

... unable to store pass words in my head. I am sad to report that I cannot remember passwords any better than storing numbers. I never have, so do not think it has anything much to do with aging and the dread we all have when memory begins to fail. As we become more aware of the pervasive effects of loosing memory, it is probably common to think and fear each time we struggle with recalling names or pertinent facts: is this it?

Family history makes me even more paranoid than others might be. Knowing there are numerous family members who have struggled and lost the battle with forgetfulness makes me especially anxious when things are not as recall-able as I would like. Though I remind myself about the life-long failure to grasp concepts having to do with numbers, it continues to be cause for concern. I'm learning to write stuff down, put important info. on my calendar, make lists for errands, notes for things that are essential. And hope I can keep up with where that info. is located.

I was at work. Instructed to go to the training room in the back of the store and complete an assignment on the computer. None of the routine training is done by a person, as it was when I started my job years ago. Everything is in a module, recorded professionally and accessed on dedicated computer systems. But you have to be able to access the data to get the information you are required to know and periodically review. I cannot remember my password. The computer forces you change it every six months. My personal computer remembers it for me, so it is rarely needed.

As I was attempting to provide the proper sequence of letters and numbers, failing repeatedly, I was offered to option of providing facts only I should be able to answer. Like: "The name of the town where were you born?" "The name of your high school mascot?" "What was your first car?" But the one that had me completely stumped: "What is your father's maiden name?" I tried to figure that out, providing my dad's middle name, and then when that was rejected, my mothers' maiden name. Neither was the right answer.

Does that mean the computer is smarter than I am? The computer based training did not get done. I have to go back today, just to do the training that will take about thirty minutes. I am always surprised when I can remember my employee number, but after several unsuccessful attempts, I began to doubt I've even gotten that one right! Even though my personnel number is necessary to punch in and out on the time clock, when I get rejected over and over again, I begin to think: hopelessly hopeless.