... written by a correspondent for ESPN, Kate Fagan. Subtitled: 'The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All American Teen.' Published in 2017 by Little Brown. I did not know anything at all about the author, only have a vague idea about ESPN: a sports channel, right? Not particularly interested in sports, and don't devote my time to television, so I have no knowledge of the author or sporting activities.
Madison was a great soccer player in high school, well liked by all who knew her, team-mates, fellow students, teachers, community members. Just a sweet tempered good kid who was also an excellent athlete. She began to run as a way to build endurance, make herself a better at soccer that she had been playing since grade school. Obviously driven to excel, she was even better at track than on the soccer field. Noticed by college recruiters she was offered a scholarship to be part of the track and filed team at Penn. University.
When she finished high school in New Jersey and started to Penn. in the fall she struggled to fit in, did not seem to adjust to college life. Even though her expressed desire as a high school student as to be accepted at an Ivy League school, she was acutely unhappy as she attempted to settle into a routine around athletics and classes, study and social life at the university. She knew something was not right, could not identify the problem and sought help through the counseling program. Constantly in touch with her family, they believed she to find her groove, and settle into a life that was vastly different from living at home and being surrounded by her teammates and close friends in high school. Her parents tried to get her in with a private doctor, to try to figure out why she was having such a hard time, seemed to be so unsettled.
She talked of transferring to a different college, thinking she needed to make a change that would allay her anxiety. Her family, though worried, felt she could adjust, find the help she needed, and be successful. Maybe it was a chemical imbalance, that could have been resolved with labs and an evaluation. Maybe she could have met with a counseling expert, had some talk therapy, figured out why she was so stressed out. Maybe there was something that happened in her life she could not ever share or unable to talk about.
Maddy was nineteen when she jumped from a multi-level parking deck. Left a bag of gifts for family members on the top level of the deck before she ran and jumped over the guard rail. And a lot of unanswerable questions.
The book was hard to read: a sad story, with the knowledge from the title it would not have a good outcome. Also difficult to read as there were pages of text messages back and forth with friends and family. And messages lifted from her computer files that the family provided access to. Just a heart wrenching narrative that attempted to decipher what went wrong - when ultimately it doesn't matter.
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