Another thing: I decided to be kinder to myself emotionally.
I started seeing a therapist. Partially because I have insurance coverage (one of the biggest reasons we do a lot of things to help ourselves, from going to the dentist twice a year, to getting moles removes, and having sore feets looked at), and also because it's time. All the dang skeletons have been dancing, bumping, thumping, jangling around in the closet long enough. It's time to turn on the light, help them find the doorknob and get all that musty, dusty, nasty stuff out in the open.
I had my third appointment today. Not particularly insighful, but know that all that stuff I have been piling trash up on to try to hide for years will take some time to root through and begin the process of resolution. Kinda reminds me of the photos you see of third world countries, where the photographer from National Geographic is looking down from a great height - and there is a garbage dump, with literally thousands of tons of trash heaped up, and little children picking through the hopeless mess, looking for something of some value: to eat, wear, sell. Hopefully getting to the bottom of the muck will occur, with a sense of personal gratification/peace in my heart.
So... I finally got around to telling my signficant other that I had started this process. We were sitting in a restaurant of his choosing. Someplace I would Never Choose,as the only food on the menu is stuff I don't eat - plus it's almost excllusively fried: 2 strikes. I'm sure he was wondering what I had been up to all afternoon, as I only worked half a day. So I told him that I have been going to see a therapist, and just had my third appointment today. And his response: "I wish P. was here, to help me eat an order of fried crab claws."
Pretty much self-explanatory, huh?
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