Monday, May 7, 2018

even though...

... it is somewhat past the bedtime of a person who needs to get up at 5 a.m., in order to be at work at 6, I need to make some notes while my long day is foremost in my brain. I did not use the word 'fresh' as my body and cranium are both weary and pretty well drained from spending six hours in the car, in addition to another six with the auntie when I got her to dental appointment today. Thankfully the travel part of the day was uneventful, listening to public radio or the talking book from the library.

The plan was to leave home by 7, and get to the facility where she lives around 10. Giving time for going to the store and looking for some new clothing, as well as having lunch before the dental office opened at two o'clock. By the time she got her hair combed and teeth brushed, it was nearly 11:00 so we went to Wendy's. Then on to the mall to look for new pants. I soon realized she has no stamina for walking any distance at all. Reminding me of that corollary to Murphy's Law: inertia breeds inertia. I don't think she does much exercise and very little walking around - other than down the hall to the dining room three times a day, with little or no pushing back from the table. Which explains why we needed to go to JCP and find elastic waist pants.

After lunch and shopping (when she was very vocal about the cost of everything until I told her it was all half-price, which was possibly a bald faced lie, but she did pipe down.) we had time to kill so just took the scenic route, tooling around town for nearly an hour. She would occasionally comment on something looking familiar: 'this looks almost like a place I remember from Valdosta' (which, of course, it IS!) Lots of chattiness about what a pretty day it was, and how beautiful the sky is and how nice the trees look. Over and over, as any person completely devoid of short term memory is prone to do.

Dentist wanted her to take antibiotic and come back for him to look again, after she has appt. for hygiene/cleaning. Hoping that a combination of those factors will reveal there is actually no problem. While we were sitting in Walgreen's awaiting the Rx, she got annoyed, frustrated, anxious, concerned, fearful, confused.  Quite obviously could not understand/comprehend/remember anything about her situation or recent months of her life. No retention as I tried to explain why she lives where she does, as well as why she cannot move/change/live alone. She was pretty steamed at me by the time we got back across town and I took her to the facility where she has been living since last summer. For the fifth time, she claimed to not know she lives there.

She was so put out, aggravated and frustrated with me, I might have slipped out the door while she was distracted looking in her closet, trying to find her clothes. Spoke briefly to a staff person, then beat a hasty retreat, after leaving my number for someone to call me so I could give an update. As I left, getting on the road for the three hour drive back home, I thought to myself: as sad as this situation is, I should be thankful this woman is so fierce. She is so certain I am to blame - still - for all the misfortune that has befallen her, she needs to think everything is my fault. While she is being so determined, cantankerous, opinionated, and obstinate, her ferocious attitude makes it much easier for me to Not Feel Guilty about her sad, disheartening circumstances.

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